


If at first you don't Fondue.

by Professor_Fluffy



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, Insanity, M/M, Misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-13
Updated: 2012-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-07 16:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/433166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professor_Fluffy/pseuds/Professor_Fluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve wants advice on how to ask someone for fondue. </p><p>In the words of Inigo Montoya, "I do not think it means what you think it means."</p>
            </blockquote>





	If at first you don't Fondue.

“How do you ask someone to,” Steve made a graphic gesture with his hand, “fondue?” He turned the color of a ripe tomato.

Clint gave him a confused look. “Um, you just ask them, Cap. I don’t know. How did you ask a girl that sort of thing in the 40’s?”

Steve sat on the edge of the sofa. “During the war, asking that sort of thing was very forward. I mean, we didn’t really do that sort of thing, with nice girls. You had to take them dancing. Meet their father first, that sort of thing.”

“Riiiiight. Chaperones and what not. Look, we don’t do that anymore. You wanna get fondue with someone, you just ask.” Clint blew the head off of someone on the t.v. screen and let out an obnoxiously loud victory cry.

“Ok. Thank you Clint, that's very helpful.” Steve left the room humming Glenn Miller under his breath.

“Ooookay then.”

Natasha walked into the room and peered up at Clint, where he was perched on the back of the couch. She gave him a sharp love tap upside the head. “Get your filthy feet off of Stark’s couch. What was that about?” she gestured toward Steve’s retreating figure.

“Cap wants to ask someone out to dinner.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Hey, don't give me that look, I give great advice.”

She snorted.

Steve knocked on Tony’s door and shuffled his feet. He felt ridiculous.  
He’d never asked for sex in his life.

Tony opened his door, toothbrush dangling out one corner of his mouth. It shouldn’t have been attractive, but it was. His tee-shirt rode up over one hip, exposing a narrow strip of flesh. “Waah con I dooo for you Caawp?” He asked around a mouth full of foam.

Steve clasped his hands behind his back. “I was wondering if you.. well, that is. would you like to get some bread and cheese? I mean, it’s just bread and cheese. Shit.”

“Woah, slow down soldier. What?”

“Fondu. Would you like to get some fondu?”

“Fondue huh? Sure. I’m free later. Is six good? I can pick you at the Tower. Or we could take your bike.” Tony grinned and Steve forgot to breathe.

“Sure. That would be fantastic. I’ll see you at six.” 

"That was odd.”

When Tony walked out of his personal elevator at six, Steve was standing in the foyer, anxiously twisting his hands. He was wearing one of his S.H.I.E.L.D. issued shirts, the ones Tony was sure Coulson was shrinking in the dryer before they made it past requisitions. Tony approved. “Little under dressed, aren't you?” he teased.

“Oh, do you think so? I didn’t think it would be a problem.” Steve frowned, maybe Tony was high maintanance? What was appropriate fondu attire. 

“I don’t mind,” Tony cocked his head. 

Steve practically shoved Happy out of the way trying to open the car door for Tony. Tony gave him an odd look and rattled off an address.

“So, what’s up Steve? What’s new.”

“Not much.” He frowned. “Well, I did break another punching bag.”

Tony laughed.

The car circled around and headed away from the tower. Steve wondered where they were going. Was Tony the type to rent a hotel, Steve really hoped he hadn’t. He fidgeted, tapping his foot nervously. 

Tony was waving a hand in his face. “I said we’re here space cadet.”  
“Oh, jeez. Sorry” Steve blushed. Happy opened his door and Steve looked up at the sign. It said ‘bits and pieces.’

Tony wanted dinner first, that was reassuring. 

Steve pulled up a chair and unfolded his napkin, smoothing it over his lap.

He opened the menu. “This doesn't sound very substantial." He gave Tony a confused look. "Do they have Steak?”

Tony gave him an odd look. You said you wanted fondue, Steve”

“Well, yeah, I…” Steve stopped. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Steve, what do you think fondue is, let’s start with that.”

Steve looked horrified.

“Well, your dad asked Peg to get fondue one night, and I, um, that is…” Steve stammered.

“You think fondue is sex? Oh my god Steve, that’s precious.” Tony doubled over with laughter.

“You don’t have to be an ass about it!”

Tony stopped laughing. “So wait. When you asked me out, you were -- you wanted me to?”

Steve twitched, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him. “Clint said…”

“Oh my god.” Tony cut him off.

“First. Please. Never say the words Clint said again. If I ever hear those words again, I'm going to stroke out.” Tony raised his hand. “Check please. Actually you know what? Too slow.” He threw three hundred dollars on the table, and grabbed Steve’s hand, dragging him out of the restaurant.

“Tony wait. Where are we going?” Steve scrambled after him.

“Get in the car Steve, your v-card is in serious danger.”

“What?”

“Fondu.”

“Oh.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this is very short, but it demanded to be written after I spotted a gif set of Steve asking Tony, do you fondue?
> 
> (Also, yes, I know I'm disregarding Howard telling Steve it's bread and cheese in favor of ridiculous fluff.) <3
> 
> 2/2 - Sorry just doing some editing.


End file.
